Here’s why all freelancers are idiots

Posted on Oct 29th, 2013 | News and opinion

What on earth are you doing? Did no one tell you freelancing isn’t a real job? Look at you, desperately snatching at your rapidly evaporating youth as you refuse to join the adult world like the rest of us. Let me explain to you why giving up freelancing and taking a proper job is the right way to go.

First up is the fact in a real job, you don’t have to pick your own work at all. That’s all sorted for you – you just show up and get told what to do! That’s time saved, right there. Who wants to have actual input in what they spend their life doing? No one, that’s who.

Also, if you’re really lucky, you’ll get to do the same thing every day. That means it gets easier and easier with time, so that eventually you don’t even have to try any more!

When you’re in a real job you often have a uniform or some kind of rules in relation to clothing. This is great because it means you don’t have to waste yet more of your time deciding what you want to wear. Think about it; as a freelancer you wake up and look at your wardrobe, at all your favourite clothes, and there’s just too much choice! Before you know it, you’ve tried on 6 outfits and it’s time for lunch or a nap. With a normal job, just stick on something grey with a tie and you’re out the door.

You often find freelancers bumbling about town in the middle of the day, walking from place to place as they find somewhere to do some work. Imagine the psychiatric damage that comes from working in a cafe one day, the beach the next, and from bed on another – madness! What you want is the same desk and chair every day. You get comfortable that way. If you’re a bit of an arty type, you can decorate your desk – maybe even get one of those hilarious mugs about being mad. Classic.

Did you also know that in your average office you also have managers and bosses to make sure you’re working hard? That’s right, you don’t have to work and be your own boss at the same time; someone else is doing it for you! That’s another thing you don’t have to worry about. You don’t have to motivate yourself either, as your superiors have entire books telling them how to do it, and walls full of posters about things like “Teamwork!” and “Success!”. Doesn’t that sound like a load off?

So there you have it. Just a few reasons to remove the burdenous freedom you have as a freelancer to enjoy the sweet, stress-free life of not having to make any decisions for yourself. You might even win employee of the month every so often. Now that’s an achievement worth striving for.

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Written by Joshua Danton Boyd

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